Friday, January 27, 2006

THANK YOU, SMOKING NAZIS!

The first, but likely not the last, unanticipated consequence of Washington State’s new smoking ban is the topic of Jake Ellison’s report this morning in the Seattle P-I:

The smoking ban: No ifs or ands ... but plenty of butts”

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/257262_butts27.html

It seems those selfish smokers are tossing their butts on the sidewalks!

You know, there is only one thing to do: We need another law. In fact, not just a law, but an entire legal initiative! A campaign!

First, we need butt tracking.

We need to coerce the tobacco industry. Cigarettes need to be numbered – registered, even! Individual cigarettes need tracking ID’s, complete with barcodes. Oh sure, it’ll cost Big Tobacco a few bucks to set up, but they are so used to being economically sodomized that by now they like it. They’ll go along. After all, they can pass the cost to the customers. Smokers are addicts, and will pay anything for a fix…

Of course, retailers will have to track the sales of cigarettes, and keep records going back at least a year. The State should set up a system so smokers – for a suitably large fee – can get special “pariah” ID’s decorated with a skull and crossbones which retailers can scan. All the data will be uploaded to a special “air offender” database.

Then we need to crack down on the “butt-heads” who are the cause of all this trouble.

We need to vigorously enforce the littering laws. We need a new, bigger fine just for butts – it will be necessary to pay for the army of butt cops equipped with barcode readers. We’ll need new holding facilities – smoke free, of course. And special courts for raking in the dough.

And then we need to get tough on those miscreants who help teens smoke, whether it’s intentional or not. Any time someone under 18 is caught smoking, the cigarette will be tracked back through the database to the purchaser. I think jail time is in order for this offense, even if you’re just a store clerk who accepted a bad ID.

Of course, this will be a “three strikes” offense… Those things are deadly weapons, you know…

Speaking of criminal offences, we’ll need to make defacing a cigarette barcode in any way a felony…

We need to get tough on the butts themselves. With all the nasty chemicals they contain, butts don’t belong in an ordinary landfill. We need a new hazardous waste designation just for butts, complete with mandatory collection and cradle to grave tracking. We’ll need a special new disposal facility…

Finally, we can’t ignore the most important item: A butt tax to pay for it all. As it is, we’re taxing the cigarettes, but the butts get a bye. That just isn’t right.

After all, there is a war on, and tobacco is the enemy! Onward, smoking NAZIS!!!

Comments:
Those filthy smoking tossing their butts around all over the place and their filth was largely why this law got passed in the first place. At least now they have to do it outside.
 
To Anon above,

Learn grammar, form a cohesive sentence, and stop being a bigot!

To everyone else, well, this is the result. The authors of the initiative failed to mandate ashtrays more than 25 feet away, you know, where the smokers are. Try finding an ashtray to dump a butt! They are for the most part gone, now. Hey, can't have it next to the door now, where I can dump a butt, as that would be smoking within 25 foot, right?

Tell you the truth, I couldn't give less care about what the nazis want. This is the logical result of their efforts, and they should have seen it coming. Their smug heavy handedness and the glee with which they found a way to lord themselves over we beasts and pagans has led to a result they don't like. Oh well!

It would be interesting for all these 'progressive' types to compare their zeal and bigotry on smoking with the zeal and bigotry that fundamentalists used sodomy laws against gay folk in different times. I see so many parallels out there, and find it so compelling that the tactics, language, and methods are so similar.

Having completed their mission to force smokers into the closet, will they then go back and find new targets for their hatred?
 
"Having completed their mission to force smokers into the closet, will they then go back and find new targets for their hatred?"

No, these are the type of people that won't stop until they have smokers sucking on zyklon b instead of Marlboros.
 
Bravo, "a smoker." And I agree: The tools of zealots are always the same. Whether they are revered or vilified is largely perspective...
 
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