Monday, March 13, 2006

TWO FROM THE "GENTLE" SEX

Just in case anyone is still unclear as to who is in charge - at least in the opinion of the “gentler” sex - I’ve got two from the humor file… At least I hope it’s humor…

“The Genie and Osama”

While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle in a cave and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said.
"Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog!  Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything!" barked Bin Laden.

The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment. Then he grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said, "Very well, I want to awaken with three white American women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you!"

The highly annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared. The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding & Hillary Clinton. His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance.

God is good…


“Apples and Wine”

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. The apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men… Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Now, if a man made jokes like that… And a woman heard them… Never mind. My “grapes” get stomped enough as is…

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